Ramble

Aaargh.
This is just going to be ramble about para:noir. This is para:noir.

Because I really feel like rambling.
If you don't care, feel free to come back another time.

So,

Dear Para:noir.

Why did you make me fall in love with you so much? 

Because...

I think...

I don't know. 

The first song I heard by them was this one. 

I don't even remember when it was. Probably pretty soon after it was released a few years ago. 

It was one of these songs I just randomly listen at when I feel like it, and I love it.. By now it really feels like an old friend. 

Then as they released more songs I liked them, but I never actually followed them, or bought anything by them, except Nihilism. Just listened to youtube then and there. It's pretty uncommon for me to do it that way, I guess that's why I'm in this weird position right now. Because it feels like I don't have as much right to be upset about their disbanding as a more loyal fan. 

Take DEPAIN for an example. I've followed them since they started, I've been buying their stuff, I saw them live first time two years ago and I've seen them twice (i think? haha) this year. I'm a loyal fan to them, so if they decided to disband right now I would feel like I had every right to be upset about it. I feel completely different about Para:noir. 

Because, I only started to actually pay attention to them just a few months before they announced that they are disbanding. Then, when they announced it, it felt like... I missed my chance? Haha I don't know, I really don't. 

Then I wanted to see them so bad before they would split up, and I did. I was right there, so close to them and the first song they played, which else but not The code number 13. LIKE, OF COURSE!

Then they go and release this one. 

Ah, couldn't you release something really bad so it would be so hard to say goodbye? Okay, that's a horrible thing to say but I really feel that way. 

I've completely and utterly fallen in love with amaryllis. I know it's not only me either. 

Then... Then, then then they.. At the live, they played this song. I love it studio version too, but sometimes it's impossible to measure up to the same level as the live version. 

I don't know if they have put some kind of spell on me, but this song... ah. This song. .______.

It just touches my heart and makes my insides all fuzzy. 

Really.. 

One thing that really confuses me is that I no longer have a problem at all with his auto-tuned voice. Because I guess that's one of the main reasons I've never really fallen in love with them in the first place. But, ah. These last two songs really gets to me, and they won't let me go. Maybe because I heard nihilism live first, so I associate it with the live. The part that is at 03:40 and forward, when he screamed that live I almost fell down to the floor haha, it was so.. I don't really have words. 

So...

They are disbanding soon, and I almost bought tickets to their final live before Alex reminded me that we're going to OZ/Mejibray/NEGA the same day. ARGH! I love the fact that I have this problem, don't get me wrong here, but gosh that's so heartbreaking for me at the same time. If it was someone else playing that day I would have said screw that one, but it's both OZ and Mejibray, so. It's okay. Nega is also good.. 

Uhuhuhu. The fact that I could go but can't is what's bothering me.. and the fact that I seem to love to torture myself. 

Why else would I walk happily into the dead end, even though there's signs everywhere it's a dead end? 

Meh, whatever. I know I'm thinking way too much into this, but I said I felt like rambling and I wasn't joking. 

Soooo~ 

Have a nice day, goodnight! I'll torture myself a bit more with nihilism before sleeping, woho. 

Oh, and yeah. School started today, yay. It was fun to be back after two weeks holiday. 

Back to reality. Studystudystudy. woowoo.